I was up late...

I have so many thoughts in my mind right now.
I just told him that I need a couple days to just pray.
I need to set my priorities straight. I need to depend on God. Im such a mess.
As soon as I’ve let go of one thing it seems like I’m back in the mess again.
Im trying really hard to depend on God. I depend on other people to keep me strong but God is the only one who can.
I cant keep doing this to myself.
GUARD YOUR HEART.
I keep telling myself this. I don’t know if the words are becoming hollow or more clear.
Im becoming more cautious.
I don’t want to hurt him. I want to just be friends. No my heart wants and knows I need to be just friends. But, I, on the other hand, want to be more. But I’m/we are not ready for it.
This is so hard…
If we are meant to be together we will.

God, I need your strength. I cant do this on my own. Im weak…Im on that same spot again.
Its not a new spot. Its like Im back tracking yet getting closer.
I KNOW your Love is greater. Your love is higher than the heavens.
I know these thigs yet I keep forgetting, Lord.
I keep putting all these walls up. These distractions up, and then I wonder how they got there…why Im in this same spot again.
Over and over again I wonder the same exact things. WHEN AM I GOING TO LEARN!?
I couldn’t imagine my life without you.
You always take me back. Yet, I turn away each time a guy walks my way.

This time it was different.
When I met him. He made me…his faith made me want to grow closer to you.
Ive grown so much since I met him. Im glad for that. But lately, I seem to be falling away from you.
Im glad I caught myself sooner.
I CAN NOT forget Lord.
You have brought me out of broken hearts.
My first broken heart that was given to me by my own father.
You healed me and brought me back up.
After I was cheated on…You showed me I was worth more. You carried me. You held me. You LOVED me.
Help me to come back to you.
Guide me Lord. Take me where you want me to be.
Don’t let me get distracted. Help me to have discipline.
YOU ARE ALL I NEED.
I am Yours.
Use me God. Fill me up with Your love.
Open wide my horizons, Lord.
You have showed me what you are going to do in my life.
You already have, Lord.
You have brought me out of such a horrific scene.
You have made me more than I could even imagine myself ever even becoming.
THANKYOU.
I love you Lord.

I can do this.
God will be my strength.